When adults wage war, a child becomes the battlefield and carries the shrapnel in silence. — Dr. Steve Hudgins
There is a quiet heartbreak in the fallout of divorce that reverberates most deeply in the hearts of children.
In the scramble of legal wrangling, “who gets what” dominates the narrative, but the child often becomes collateral, absorbing the emotional shockwaves of warring parents. Attachment, our earliest emotional security, can fracture when parents are at odds, and that fracture carries enduring consequences.
Children Are at Greater Risk—Not Just Statistically, But Emotionally
Attachment Disruption: Children of divorced parents are significantly more likely to report less secure attachment bonds than children of married parents, setting the stage for relationship struggles later in life (Tay‑Karapas et al., 2024) scholarworks.merrimack.edu+1BioMed Central+1.
Life‑Trajectory Impacts: Parental divorce doesn’t just hurt feelings; it can alter futures. One recent analysis found that children exposed to divorce are more likely to experience lower adult earnings, less likelihood of attending college, and higher rates of incarceration, teen birth, and even mortality (Johnston et al., 2025) NBER.
Relocation Strain: In the tumultuous year of divorce, 35 % of children move, nearly triple the rate before separation. This upheaval often means relocation to lower‑quality neighborhoods; another blow to stability (ifstudies.org, 2025) Wikipedia+11Institute for Family Studies+11TIME+11.
Mental Health Risks: Parental separation almost doubles the risk of various mental health issues in children, even when controlling for other factors. While many children are resilient, the increased odds (1.5 to 2 times higher) warrant attention (D’Onofrio et al., 2019) PMC+1.
These are not abstract trends; they are stories of lost security, shifting homes, and fractured bonds. Children bear the brunt of adult conflict, often internalizing guilt and confusion.
The Court System Is Broken — Distrust Drives Detachment
While mental health professionals recognize the importance of attachment theory in understanding children’s resilience or vulnerability, the legal system lags desperately behind.
- Family courts focus on custody, property, and legal precedent, but rarely on emotional safety, attachment repair, or the long-term psychological well-being of children.
- Without proper legal frameworks that integrate mental health insights, divorcing families are left to navigate traumatic separations in a system ill-equipped to prioritize therapeutic intervention.
- The absence of mandatory mental health-informed protocols in family law perpetuates transgenerational trauma, as unresolved emotional wounds echo into adulthood.
We Must Reform, Rehumanize, and Reconnect
This is not about vilifying the court system; it is about illuminating its blind spots and demanding change.
- Legal professionals must be educated on attachment science and child development.
- Mental health assessments should be standard in custody determinations, not optional extras.
- Attachment-based interventions (counseling, narrative therapy, co‑parenting education) must be court‑mandated whenever conflict puts children at risk.
A Call to Action and to Our Hearts
To every professional reading this: families need you to see the child‑at‑the‑center, not just as a legal unit, but as a vulnerable being whose sense of safety and connection is on the line.
Let us bridge the gap between law and mental health, so that children are not collateral damage, but held, supported, and given paths to healing.
References
D'Onofrio, B. (2019). Parental divorce or separation and children’s mental health. World Psychiatry, risk typically increases by a factor between 1.5 and 2 …. BioMed Central+15PMC+15Verywell Family+15Taylor & Francis Online+1 Johnston, A. C., et al. (2025). Divorce, family arrangements, and children’s adult outcomes (Working Paper No. w33776). National Bureau of Economic Research. Findings include reduced earnings, lower college attendance, increased incarceration, mortality, and teen births. NBER Tay‑Karapas, K., et al. (2024). An attachment-based pilot program to promote adolescent ... (abstract). Findings: children of divorced parents report less secure attachment bonds compared to those of married parents. BioMed Central IFstudies.org. (2025, May 20). New study finds lasting effects of divorce on kids. Reports that 35 % of children change addresses in the year of divorce, nearly triple the pre‑divorce rate; household income drops, resulting in lower neighborhood quality.